I'm Sorry

I’m Sorry

Posted: August 27, 2017

Nuggets. Wisdom. Truth.

It was the first week of living without my husband and learning what the word “widow” actually meant when a NUGGET was thrown my way.

My life had just been shattered. My family was demolished. My legs didn’t want to walk or move at all. My whole life changed in one day and now, almost six months later, I can’t remember what my family felt like before this valley. I am forever changed. My kids are different and will be forever. But this NUGGET of wisdom and truth has stayed with me and helped through the darkest days. Its truth remains.

One day, in the first seven days, my best friend said to me, “I’m sorry you can’t have what you want.”

Simply that.

“I’m sorry you can’t have what you want.”

When I heard that I wasn’t sure whether to cry, wail, laugh or punch someone. You mean…..I can’t have what I want?? Why not? Why do I HAVE TO LIVE A LIFE without my husband while everyone else gets theirs?? Why does my marriage have to end when neither Jeff or I signed up for that? Why just why Lord??

I was so perplexed by this statement and yet I trusted the one who said it.

It hit me hard that day. I DON’T GET WHAT I WANT. I just don’t. There’s nothing I can do to fix it, change it or get it back. My husband was dead. Gone. In Heaven without me. I couldn’t solve this problem. I could only learn to deal with it and trust God through it.

I remember being a kid with a giant sweet tooth, and wanting to devour more cookies, cake and ice cream than I should. My mom would limit my cookies to two or three. Sometimes she would limit my ice cream to one scoop and cake was always one piece. I remember getting so frustrated by the limitations on my desserts and wondering why I couldn’t just eat the whole plate of warm, fresh out-of-the-oven, chocolate chip cookies. I wanted to fill my belly full of comfort and goodness.


I Want Everything

In this life, we too, believe that we should fill our lives with comfort and goodness. I am a girl who LOVES everything warm and fuzzy. I want my coffee, my friendships, my desserts, my blankets, my fuzzy socks and anything that brings comfort to my soul. I want everything that I want. Mine mine mine. I want it forever. And I never want it to go away.

In this season of suffering…I am learning that I can’t have what I want…and it’s okay. I will survive. Eventually.

I have cried out to the LORD when my heart is in total frustration or bleeding from the pain. He gently reminds me that I was bought at a price when Christ died for my sins and gave me new life. I am not my own person living a life of comfort and warmth. I am HIS DAUGHTER, adopted into His family, created to do His good works. My life was never my own. It was His.

I am not exempt from pain and suffering.

You are not exempt from pain and suffering.

We will suffer. We won’t get what we want, the way we want it.

This world is broken. Bad things happen. But God…He is the only one to redeem us, to lift us and to save us.

The Lord has a great plan for our lives and a life of comfort, unfortunately, is not really part of the plan. His plan is that we are saved and redeemed by Jesus’ death on the cross and that we have a new life through His resurrection. The Lord fiercely loves us and wants a relationship with us. He comforts us when we are suffering. He loves us when we are unlovable. He forgives us when we fall. Jesus wants to give us life and give it to the fullest.


Trust The One

What do we do when we don’t get what we want? When life is full of suffering? When we don’t understand?

We trust the One who made us. We trust the One who knows the beginning from the end. We trust the One who has a plan. Our life is not our own. We were bought at a price. If we let Him, God will take our suffering and turn it into a beautiful story of redemption. His glory will shine and we will be forever changed in the best way possible.

Sometimes we can’t have the entire plate of cookies. Let us wait patiently for the Lord and remember that Father knows best.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the LORD.” —Isaiah 55:8

9 Comments

  • Patti Iverson August 27, 2017 at 7:49 pm

    Yup. Sigh… Okey Dokey, Lord Jesus. <3 Good post, Treva!

    Reply
  • TAM Hodge August 27, 2017 at 8:00 pm

    Oh friend, I really hope you write a book someday.

    Thank you for putting it all out there. God is doing great things through your journey.

    You are loved!

    Reply
  • Robin August 27, 2017 at 9:14 pm

    “Your” strength is admirable. It is so obviously God’s strength and I pray peace and comfort over you in small moments throughout the day. It is so hard to let go and let God’s strength take over. Praise the Lord for His love. How lost and alone and afraid would we be without it. Thank you for your vulnerability.

    Reply
  • Kristie August 27, 2017 at 11:22 pm

    Such wisdom through deep heartache. Thank you for sharing your journey! Your dedication inspires me to keep growing no matter what.

    Reply
  • Bonnie leon August 28, 2017 at 12:48 am

    Thank you.

    Reply
  • Gail Beagin August 28, 2017 at 11:22 am

    So thankful for you, Treva and your willingness to put it out there. Love you!

    Reply
  • Rebekah August 28, 2017 at 7:14 pm

    Wow. Just wow. Thank you for this sweet and I’m sure difficult post. I am so blessed and thankful for your beautiful transparency.
    I am with you in a season of learning that this earth is not the warm fuzzy dwelling place I often yearn for. It’s only a temporary home and my every comfort is hardly my Saviors primary concern. He instead prepares my heart to accept Him more fully. And the knowledge of Him can be accompanied by pain to bring us closer to Him. Like the picture of the little lamb that wanders off and is broken so that he can lay securely around the Shepherds neck while he mends – He binds us and fashions us, heart and soul to Him.
    So thankful that you know that your husband is in heaven. I’m asking the Father to draw you close to His heart, save your tears and anoint your soul with the balm of Gilead.

    Reply
  • Brenda Ray August 28, 2017 at 8:23 pm

    Treva, you are a strong, godly, faithful woman! I pray that the Lord continues to use you in the lives of others. Thank you for sharing & I wish you could have what you want.

    Reply
  • Erika Seibert August 31, 2017 at 7:36 am

    Treva, what an encouragement that the Lord is using it all in amazing ways we cannot clear see right now. What a wonderful testimony of faith in Christ that you speak of future redemption. God’s Word promises us so much to come, weather in this life or the next! Keep writing and blessing others like me =)

    Reply

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