Nuggets. Wisdom. Truth.
It was the first week of living without my husband and learning what the word “widow” actually meant when a NUGGET was thrown my way.
My life had just been shattered. My family was demolished. My legs didn’t want to walk or move at all. My whole life changed in one day and now, almost six months later, I can’t remember what my family felt like before this valley. I am forever changed. My kids are different and will be forever. But this NUGGET of wisdom and truth has stayed with me and helped through the darkest days. Its truth remains.
One day, in the first seven days, my best friend said to me, “I’m sorry you can’t have what you want.”
“I’m sorry you can’t have what you want.”
When I heard that I wasn’t sure whether to cry, wail, laugh or punch someone. You mean…..I can’t have what I want?? Why not? Why do I HAVE TO LIVE A LIFE without my husband while everyone else gets theirs?? Why does my marriage have to end when neither Jeff or I signed up for that? Why just why Lord??
I was so perplexed by this statement and yet I trusted the one who said it.
It hit me hard that day. I DON’T GET WHAT I WANT. I just don’t. There’s nothing I can do to fix it, change it or get it back. My husband was dead. Gone. In Heaven without me. I couldn’t solve this problem. I could only learn to deal with it and trust God through it.
I remember being a kid with a giant sweet tooth, and wanting to devour more cookies, cake and ice cream than I should. My mom would limit my cookies to two or three. Sometimes she would limit my ice cream to one scoop and cake was always one piece. I remember getting so frustrated by the limitations on my desserts and wondering why I couldn’t just eat the whole plate of warm, fresh out-of-the-oven, chocolate chip cookies. I wanted to fill my belly full of comfort and goodness.
I Want Everything
In this life, we too, believe that we should fill our lives with comfort and goodness. I am a girl who LOVES everything warm and fuzzy. I want my coffee, my friendships, my desserts, my blankets, my fuzzy socks and anything that brings comfort to my soul. I want everything that I want. Mine mine mine. I want it forever. And I never want it to go away.
In this season of suffering…I am learning that I can’t have what I want…and it’s okay. I will survive. Eventually.
I have cried out to the LORD when my heart is in total frustration or bleeding from the pain. He gently reminds me that I was bought at a price when Christ died for my sins and gave me new life. I am not my own person living a life of comfort and warmth. I am HIS DAUGHTER, adopted into His family, created to do His good works. My life was never my own. It was His.
I am not exempt from pain and suffering.
You are not exempt from pain and suffering.
We will suffer. We won’t get what we want, the way we want it.
This world is broken. Bad things happen. But God…He is the only one to redeem us, to lift us and to save us.
The Lord has a great plan for our lives and a life of comfort, unfortunately, is not really part of the plan. His plan is that we are saved and redeemed by Jesus’ death on the cross and that we have a new life through His resurrection. The Lord fiercely loves us and wants a relationship with us. He comforts us when we are suffering. He loves us when we are unlovable. He forgives us when we fall. Jesus wants to give us life and give it to the fullest.
Trust The One
What do we do when we don’t get what we want? When life is full of suffering? When we don’t understand?
We trust the One who made us. We trust the One who knows the beginning from the end. We trust the One who has a plan. Our life is not our own. We were bought at a price. If we let Him, God will take our suffering and turn it into a beautiful story of redemption. His glory will shine and we will be forever changed in the best way possible.
Sometimes we can’t have the entire plate of cookies. Let us wait patiently for the Lord and remember that Father knows best.
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the LORD.” —Isaiah 55:8