Grabbing her sweet, little, freckled face, I told her how I love her and that we’re going to survive this. The enemy will not win.
There are times in our parenting, where we want to grab our child’s face and speak words of affirmation and comfort. It is so painful watching our children suffer through anything in this life. It is hard enough suffering ourselves, but watching the world beat our children down from the sidelines is even more unbearable. This is when our heart breaks and is ripped apart.
As much as we want to bubble wrap our children and keep them from any pain, we can’t. Life must ebb and flow like the ocean and we can’t stop the waves from crashing. It’s in the crashing, the suffering and the trials that they are refined, broken and built up again. Our children will suffer. They will be tossed violently by the waves of this life. We can’t stop this reality, and it’s frustrating.
Soaking Up The Brokenness
Yesterday, I was driving home from school with one of my boys and sadness started spilling over. “Mom, I saw Dad die. I remember the accident all the time. There was so much blood. It was awful. No one understands. There’s no one at school like me.” Quick little sentences like these poured out of his heart and I just sat in awe. My boy…my precious sweet child experienced something on March 10th that I will never understand. I can’t even imagine seeing Jeff in such a bloody and broken state. It makes my stomach turn. We both sat in silence for a few minutes soaking up the brokenness in the air.
My daughter is in college now and she will say, “Mom, it’s so weird not having Daddy around anymore. I miss him so much! I want to tell him about my classes and have him tell me how proud he is of me.” Her foundation was broken to pieces the day of the accident. I will never forget that moment in the emergency room, the chaplain told me my husband didn’t make it. My sweet girl climbed up the side of my body screaming “Nooooo!!” And the floodgates of tears broke open. She is suffering and I can’t fix it.
The reality is that we all experience great trials and pain. We live in a messed up, broken, crazy world. We will suffer and so will everyone we love.
So where is God when everything is turned upside down? Where is He when we suffer? Where is He when our children are being beaten down by the crashing waves of this life?
Right next to us.
His breath on our neck.
Weeping as we weep.
Created To Live Forever
God created us to live forever with Him…not to live in brokenness and suffering. He made a way to redeem His creation through sacrificing His own Son. Jesus died so that we can live. Jesus rose again so that we can rise too and live in eternity with Him…not broken anymore but perfect.
As I walk through this valley of suffering and experience His breath on my neck, He reminds me that He is right here with me. The Almighty God…the Maker of heaven and earth…is right here with me, carrying me through this dark valley. I cling to Him and trust that He won’t waste my pain. He won’t waste my children’s pain either. He will use it for our good and His glory.
What do I hear the Lord say to me, as He grabs my face and breathes on me??
“Oh, Sweet Girl…I AM here. I know you don’t understand what I’m doing, and it’s okay. I am making a way so that more people will be with Me in paradise. They need to know Me. Through your suffering, more will know Me. Hang on to Me. Wait for Me. I will show you later, but for now, Sweet Girl, know that I AM with you.”
He knows your suffering. He knows your children’s heart ache. He knows. He is here. He is God.
“Be still and know that I am God.” —Psalm 46:10a